Updated: Apr 8, 2020
Like many of you I'm at home, alone. I have written to-do lists and made lots of grand plans in my head. Complete my home clean-out, set up a gym schedule, practice guitar, learn the piano, read some books that have been gathering dust etc. etc. But my fearful brain and all the negativity coming through my news feed is doing a great job at feeding my procrastination monster. So for now, I'll just write this post.
This is a time where I could very easily switch-on my 'F**k it' switch. No-one is watching, no-one really cares and guess what? The bottle shops are staying open! Of course.
It would be SO easy to duck out, grab a bottle (or two) and whisk myself away from all of this. It would be SO easy. And so, as I write I'm wondering why I don't, because actually so far I haven't, and thankfully I don't even want to.
So while I procrastinate on all the things I could/should be doing I'm also focusing my attention on what can only be described as hope. And I really hope that all this will be over soon. What seems to keep coming up for me is that I don't want to wake in weeks or months when the worst has passed, knowing that even if the virus didn't get me, my self-destruct instinct did, and my 'F**k it' attitude won. I don't want to succumb to my past default mode of making all the bad stuff go away because firstly it won't, and secondly I know that if I do things will just be 1000 times worse.
I wish I had a magic formula, because I know for sure I'm not alone. I know there are many of you out there feeling hopeless and I'm sure there are many 'F**k it' switches flashing red, waiting to be pushed. But imagine waking up tomorrow, and the next day knowing that all your hard work, all your personal growth and all the benefits you've seen from not drinking are still in place and that you are at least in control of one thing, if nothing else.
My focus therefore is on winning the internal battle every time it rears its ugly head. And so far so good...
Thoughts I'm keeping a watchful eye on;
We're all doomed and I might as well get smashed.
I don't think I can cope being stuck inside, I need a distraction, I need some fun!
I'm financially screwed and life is going to be shit from now on so I might as well enjoy what I have left.
It's the only thing that will cheer me up.
It's the only thing that will keep me sane
I'll just do it until this virus thing gets sorted out ( this is the most common).
Any time one of these, or a version thereof pops up, I'm trying to replace it with 'Please Sarah, don't f**k up', swiftly followed by, 'You will feel 1000 times worse than you do now once the buzz is over'. And whilst I admit this strategy isn't working so well with chocolate it seems to be keeping me on track with the drink for now.
I would love to hear how you're doing and what you're doing to stay on the Upside.
Take care and stay safe